A Personal Trainer for Emotional Detachment – Jeans Have A Lot to Answer For

In all of my years of a personal trainer this is a telephone conversation I had with a client whereby I got more than I bargained for and will never forget!

Ring, Ring…….“Hello?” “Hey you know this emotional curriculum I’m writing? Well now’s your chance to be a star!”

“Oh goodie. I’m just having my weight watchers meal with a glass of wine. I’m quite surprised this meal doesn’t taste like card board! Actually it’s quite nice! If it doesn’t fill me up I’ll have a spaghetti toasty pie!” “Yeah about that meal, it’s a whole meal by itself! Anyway when you put your jeans on out of the wash and they don’t fit, what do you make that mean?”

“What?” “What do you make it mean when you can’t button your jeans up?” “Oh god, I don’t know. I’m too bloated, I’m too fat, F.A.T! These are uncomfortable. I need to go and buy something else that fits, something that isn’t so low waisted.”

“What did you make it mean about yourself?” “I don’t dwell on that otherwise I would just want to have another glass of wine. I guess I’m a porker, humiliation. I don’t want to humiliate myself. I give it a fleeting thought then think about anything that makes me feel better.”

“Hmmm, so what do you get out of feeding your humiliation?” “Nothing.” “Don’t give me nothing, what do you get out of feeding your humiliation?” “I get to be a sorry arse for five seconds then get to go and eat some chocolate or have a glass of wine to cheer myself up. I don’t dwell on that kind of stuff.”

“Hmmmm, so when was the first time you ever felt humiliated?”“I don’t know. Oh this is all too hard.” “What do you mean it’s too hard? Come on, think back to somewhere in your childhood.” “What’s this got to do with my arse being big?” Primary school. Some kids wrote a note about me saying that I was too skinny, got buck teeth and a big nose. And that I looked foreign.”

“Great now we’re getting somewhere.”“It’s all too painful. I need a cigarette now. I’m not going into this crap.” “Oh come on, this is like gold.” Silence on the phone. Gulp the sound of her swallowing a mouthful of wine.“Hello, you still there?” More silence.

“Flip, it’s all too painful.” ” What kind of a personal trainer are you, as if it isn’t bad enough you inflicting physical pain on me?““For goodness sake we were all teased at school.” Silence. “When I was four years old I was sexually abused by a twelve year old boy”. A deadening silence! “Then his brother did it to me again when I was twelve years old. Their parents had both been in psychiatric wards when they were growing up so I imagine that they had both been abused and grown up with this kind of behaviour.” More silence on the phone.

“Right, well I wasn’t prepared for that! I was actually just after some of your inner most thoughts on how you felt when your jeans didn’t fit.” I’m also thinking holly crap, whoever invented jeans ought to be shot!“It’s not the type of thing you sit down and talk about with anyone over a nice cup of tea is it. These things just aren’t talked about. No one knows.”

The conversation continued however to bring it all back into context, this amazing woman only gives five seconds of her energy to,“I feel so humiliated” when she is unable to fit her jeans. She doesn’t make it mean, “I’m a victim, poor me,” or make herself suffer any further. Unlike many who like to wallow around in self-pity.

We deliberated if we would share this story with you. This woman chose for it to be told so that you may have the courage to look deeply into your emotional reactions and find what it really is that pushes your buttons.

© Belinda Edmondston 2013.  All rights reserved.  Cultivating Your Inner Pearl, Reinvention from the Inside Out, Body, Mind, Soul – ISBN 978-0-473-25241-0